My Life as an Aspiring Photojournalist

My Life as an Aspiring Photojournalist 

      In my quest in becoming a photojournalist, my effort seems well-meaning, but ineffectual. I tend

to succumb to obstacles in life, such as illness, lack of motivation, and emotional instability. My

intent of storytelling is obliterated in the existence of anxiety. I began with amazing intention, but the

desire fizzled as the panic bloomed around me. The dreadful tendrils of doom reached into my soul as

I reached out in search of a story. As with every aspect of my life, I sought control. I needed other’s 

tales, not my own. More fearful than ever, I withdraw further from the world.

     Indeed, I do grasp the basic concepts of story-telling. With guidance, I was given the tools to

succeed. However, I still deem my project substandard and mundane. Did this idea derive from

external criticism or a neurotic mind? My formidable obstacle is my own sabotage. I fear, thus I

procrastinate. The procrastination leads to more anxiety. I cause my own undoing.

    How can I salvage this chaos and present an idea in a coherent manner? I must examine my

motivation. Why did I choose this subject. What do I hope to acquire from it. Do I wish to exploit

someone? Do I find my portrayal too bland? Self-doubt is reflected in my relations with people. How

do I overcome? Maybe I should investigate myself.

     The goal of a photojournalist to tell a compelling tale. How can I tell other’s stories without even

knowing my own? Presently, I seek truth, knowledge, and competence. I deem to find it in others as I

cannot in myself. In my failures, I seek to discover my own truth. In this truth, I seek life.

-Lisa Silversmith, c.2014